


Half-Life 3: The End

by lechechu



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Alien Invasion, Alien Technology, Alien/Human Relationships, Angst, Character Death, Drama & Romance, Dystopia, F/M, Gen, Gun Violence, Major Character(s), Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Other, Post-Apocalypse, Romance, Sexual Content, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-10-20 17:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17626229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lechechu/pseuds/lechechu
Summary: Life had drastically changed after the Resonance Cascade. With the Resistance losing hope and deaths grow by the hundreds, it's up to a couple of scientists to end things once and for all. Unfortunately, the universe(s) will throw every obstacle in their way, as much as it can. One goal: Get to the Borealis. No matter the cost.





	1. Due Time

_How long has it been?_

_Months?_

_Years?_

_As time passes swiftly and ignorantly, I still can recall hearing my birth mother’s voice, whispering to me; my father’s. When I was taken from the womb, strong and volatile to the strange environment, my cries were to be shushed by my caregivers. It was strange to think that I remembered my birth, being so long ago. Over my growing age I’ve experience much about everything._

_My choices reflect who I was and continue to do so till present. I wasn’t born a person - but deceit. I remember the cawing of crows, atop the sign leading into that dreadful facility. Black Mesa was a mistake, as was the rest of humanity’s desires. However, my desires led us into ruin. The Resonance Cascade taking lives by the thousands, perhaps millions the more we tried to stop. The man always continued to watch me. To fail, or to succeed was not in his favorable observance, but more of the outcomes._

_City 17, the last stand we had against oppression. Yet thousands too suffered from my hand. From our hands. The tower had fallen but the enemy had not faltered. I had asked for forgiveness, to the one who had been by my side through the hells and blue fires. No forgiveness was given and the guilt remained. To such an extent, I loathed the choices I made. To run from my problems was more cowardly than giving myself up. Surrender and disperse the leading resistance would not compare at all._

_Myself handed to the Combine meant more than the destruction of the universe. It meant the universes. My self-proclaimed proprietor believed in the percentage; it made me wonder if he wanted me to continue to run. My worth to be uprated should my contract be sold - should his contract be sold. Experiences rolled forth and I could only curse my identity, believing that if I wasn’t chosen, perhaps if my father wasn’t chosen, none of this would have happened. I cursed her; my host.  
I cursed the way she made me feel._

_How damaged I felt, the damage I was given by others, simply because I was seen as different. I wanted her gone, to find some other. It only enraged me more when I realized that she would always be a part of me. Still, as time recorded on, I noticed how sad she was. My host never wanted this; she warned them - her people. Spending millions of years being doubted, however once finally believed, doubted once more of events._

_We connected, me and my host._

_I saw what she sees on a constant basis - the beauty of Xenian fauna, the beauty of light particles. Dissonance, to a higher degree. She spoke to me, “do not be afraid.” I wasn’t, only surprised. My host’s memories plagued mine, making me forget who I truly was._

_I saw my mother. A simple room, however weak and frail my body was. I took the shape of a human, but whoever might see me would have never thought that. I was sick, damaged, ready to die. Azian… she had saved me. And from then on, I realized just how important I was. The first alien-human hybrid known to mankind, to forever fight for two worlds - connected with no boundaries._

_My name was Kristina, and my name was Lambda. Simultaneously existing as one. The essence of life shall hold no bounds._

_And weep we shall._

\----

He slowly appeared when she was alone, it was the perfect time to do so; middle of the woods, no one in sight to hear what they would be speaking on. The pale, thin man came towards the lonesome female and slowly touched her back and slid a hand up to her hair, tangling his fingers in it. 

“Have you forgotten **my dear**?” He asked in a hiss as he pulled her back by her hair some and spoke in her ear. “Forgotten who you really are?” The G-man growled to her, his mouth twisting into a snarl as he was genuinely angry with her. His hold was tight and he was not letting go, a strength was in him that didn’t seem possible for a man of his lanky nature.  
“I’ll be _quite **disappointed**_ if you have,” he pulled her closer with his words to emphasize what he meant.

With a quiet gasp, and a grunt as her hair was pulled back into the mysterious man’s hold, she kept still, uncertain if she would ever be let go. The Vortiguants no longer had a hold on him, due to her previous engagement with the vortessence and Hunter; she knew he was going to be angry about being held back before. He had spoken to Gordon, with little intent to entice fear, however with her was an entirely different story.

He held no reign with her - in this time and standing, he could do anything he wanted. Green eyes slowly opened to gaze at the dark abyss in front of her, feeling the man’s breath on her shoulder and even earlobe. Lightly curling her fingers with nails digging into her palms, she stood there with intention to keep his aggression subdued if she were to struggle. Eyes slowly glanced to the side, towards his face, unsure if she even wanted to look straight at him.

He felt cold, as she was forced to be close to him. He was no man; _hardly_ a man. What she had been reminded of, the fateful day at Black Mesa. A contract gone awry - a journey left with nothing but a trail of death. She had been against his word, yes, but out of the cost of keeping someone important alive. 

With her silence came more anger and he growled more, moving to slam his palm against her chin, hard enough to chatter her teeth together, before he curled his fingers in and gripped her jaw tightly, turning her head to make her face him. “ **Answer. Me. _Lambda_**.” He gritted out while his eyes glowed more as he glared at her. His face twisted into a monstrous look, full of subdued rage and barely controlled violence that would linger with her long after he left this meeting. 

“If you forget, then you are a goner. You are a lost cause; your mission, a failure, your selfish nature putting everyone in danger. You, your precious people, your idiot Gordon, **EVERYONE** ,” he snarled out in a more vile and uncontrolled anger, causing some spittle on her with his irritation. He was about to claw her face up with said anger if she wouldn’t answer. His hand in her hair held it hard enough that he would pull hair out, perhaps part of her scalp if she didn’t give what the G-man wanted. 

Information. Confirmation. The knowledge that she knew.

That was what he wanted. 

“If you hold onto this selfish behavior, your desire to save people... it will be for not,” he added while he was still showing anger on his face. He then waited for her to give him an answer.

Kristina softly inhaled as she was still gripped by the chin, feeling her throat close with the anxiety of not necessarily knowing what else he might to do her. No one was allowed to save her, not in a moment like this. As a matter of fact, this meeting didn’t exist to anyone. Meeting face-to-face with the other, her eyes glossed over with the determination to stand her ground as he stayed vile and unruly. With a soft blink, she then inhaled quickly.

“I haven’t forgotten. Seeing you reminds me constantly. I let it slip. And it has cost me twice than I expected,” she responded, trying to keep a straight face. 

“My mission still remains. Your contract still remains unless the Freeman decides to give up. However, if I shall feel the need to give up, you shall have what you want. I have not given up yet. And believe me, I have not ever forgotten who I truly am. I only ask you let me _grieve_.” With a sharp inhale, Kristina tried to move away from his hold.

He gripped her face still, gazing into her eyes deeply. His own bright orbs glowed and swirled with the maelstrom rolling around inside him. He pressed in close to her and watched her hidden emotions lying under the surface.

“I will have what I want.” he told her and stroked her jaw, “One way or another, _Lambda_ , I promise this, I will get what I want in the end.” The G-man whispered to her before the grips in her hair and on her jaw disappeared as quickly as they came. Leaving her with more pain that wasn’t just mourning emotions.

As quickly he had snatched her, the more quickly he left, leaving her to glance to the sight of a few rebels who were smoothing dirt over the makeshift grave. With one look to the tombstone, Kristina averted her eyes some, moving away and avoiding confrontation from Isaac Kleiner, who wanted nothing more than to comfort her, however kept his distance as she wanted to be alone. The balding doctor glanced over to Gordon, seeing how beaten up and stressed he was. He had lost an old friend, and was his father-in-law. As the others mourned, Kristina walked by several rebels who were recovering from the tough battle hours ago, involving the Striders and Combine forces that came from the south as a last stand to keep the Superportal the Citadel had to offer. With it now destroyed, they were certainly running out of options. Nonetheless, it was a race to the Borealis. 

“Gordon, a word?” Dr. Kleiner had asked of him after the moment of silence they had for Eli. The old mentor took him to the side, away from the other rebels as the conversation they were about to have was private.

Gordon blinked slowly and began to turn to Kleiner, his head at least. His body stayed in one spot that wouldn’t move from, before Eli’s grave. It froze in place; he couldn’t pull himself away from it. He caused this man to die… how could he move when he was the person who did it? 

He vented slowly when Kleiner took him away though - he could move Gordon right now, even if he couldn’t move himself willingly. He was jerky and robotic in his movements, as if all human fluidity had left his being. 

Gordon swallowed hard as they went to a private area away from the rebels. What… what was going to be spoke about now? How he failed? How his mission was a failure? He let an important person die and it was his fault? What were they going to talk about that he didn’t know?

“I want you to understand that despite what may have happened… you won’t feel against anyone.” He stated and watched the other.

“You have given us hope, something to strive for. Thanks to you, our people were saved. Eli… Eli’s death came as a surprise, and I hope you don’t blame yourself for that.” Kleiner watched him, hoping to at least get the message through, as he knew that the young scientist was distraught from the death. He watched him die, before his very eyes. The Combine just had the upper hand while they were distracted.

“I heard… about your argument some with Kristina. I do not know what it was about, but I hope you can find it in yourself to give in your effort to repair it. She is no doubt feeling alone now, with… with Eli gone.” Kleiner touched his shoulder.

“Please, take time to care of yourself too.” Gordon swallowed hard, trying to keep a barrier up inside him while he was in a torrent cloud or emotional shortcomings. He couldn’t keep a good cover though, he was breaking internally with every word Kleiner spoke and he was not going to make it. He couldn’t; he wanted to be okay, wanted his teacher to… to be like back in college. 

Hard working yet inspiring, not in this place, not in constant danger. He wanted things to go back to normal. Was that too much to ask? After all they had been through? He vented in and teared up while his chest twitched and moved with repressed cries. He couldn’t let go, couldn’t let up… he just couldn’t. It was… it wasn’t needed right now, he needed to be strong. 

Kleiner saw the other start to break down, and moved to hug him, patting his back some, as if it could be felt through the suit of armor he had on for basically… months now. It endured some wear and tear, bullet dents from being shot at, and a couple of loose threading due to them being knocked around by pretty much everything. Dr. Kleiner felt bad he had to be the one to endure everything, as he wished he could take his place. 

Meanwhile, in the forest, Kristina walked aimlessly, feeling too emotionally drained to mourn the death of her father any longer. But she could feel it. That piercing stare at the back of her head. She had no energy to pay notice, nor the willpower to stand up to that inducing anxiety to what she would see among the trees. She was always so perky, so optimistic - now everything was just falling apart. She lost sight of who she was, been forced to make decisions that she thought would benefit everyone. Instead, everything was just… gone.

Quietly slowing to a halt, her eyes finally glanced to where that feeling was coming from, glancing to the man among the trees who watched from afar before walking off behind a large pine and never stepping into sight again. Kristina softly inhaled before gazing back in front of her, regaining her focus as she didn’t know which direction was back towards White Forest. How long had she been walking, how far did she stray?

It was getting dark, and colder, and not having an HEV suit sure made things difficult. They sure took it for granted - being shot or shocked in the past, then shot and shocked again in the present but still having the ability to move and defeat them. Now she was naked, alone and afraid of what others might think of her.

“I’m lost…” She mostly whispered to herself, feeling her throat close up with overwhelming guilt. It was her fault - she should have never said anything. She could recall the moment she walked into that room, the feeling that this was the moment that would change their lives. The way Freeman had responded to her true identity, played and echoed over and over in her mind.

_Just who are you? A God to play with things you find amusing?! Why am I chosen for this? I’m no one special! You ruined my life by making me become a soldier! I didn't want to become a soldier! I'm a fucking scientist!_ He had a freak out moment and it all came out, like he had been played. Something that he didn’t mean to say, but did; words he couldn’t take back nor could he replace and make better again. He wanted to make it better, but there was no way he could. 

_I hate you!_ Gordon felt shame as he recalled those words while emotions broke and he clung to Kleiner and teared up, hiding his face as slowly his wall came down and he began to lose it, bawl like a human that he had tried to not be for the sake of others. Release the hurt, pain, and emotional discomfort he had put away when there wasn’t time to sort through it all. 

It all came crashing down and he clung to Kleiner for that emotional support. 

“I’m _lost_ , Professor,” he let out into Kleiner’s shoulder as he continued to cry, “I’m lost an-and I don’t know what to do,” he keened, muffled into the older scientist’s shoulder. His body shook and swayed, quivered in places that it had no business of doing so. His heart pounded so quickly that it was audible in his ears and he felt so hot in the face that he thought he had a fever from stress. 

He was lost, he was _so_ lost, just like Kristina. They were lost without a direction to follow, nor an answer to go after. 

Kleiner softly nodded and continued to hug him, feeling bad that he was given all the stresses of the people of the resistance, including his own stresses of trying to survive in a world like this. And they gave him nothing in return, otherwise. Of course he felt bad for the other; Gordon had a calm demeanor, always back then in college. He pushed him a little, and made him strive towards his goals. Now it feels like he was pushing him to strive towards his goal even if it meant death.

“I know Gordon. Out of all people, I know you are the most lost. You owe us nothing. It is us who owe you, for constantly saving us when we asked for it.” Isaac continued to pat the others back, hoping to at least calm him down.

“In the meantime, I think you should have a rest, to collect yourself and your bearings before making your way to the Borealis. _Both_ of you.” Kleiner suggested, hoping that they would at least repair what was torn between them, if possible.

Kristina closed her eyes as she lifted her head skyward, trying to keep her own tears from overflowing. However, to her surprise was the sound of an engine that caught her attention, as she looked down and covered her blinding vision to a pair of headlights. Just what was that? Had one of the rebels taken hold of the muscle car to come find her? Had something happened?

She continued to stare towards the headlights, holding up a hand as to save her vision from permanently having a flare in her retinas, before the sight of blue eyes came into view. Three pairs, and the talking of the Combine code. All color left her as they rushed to her, and she screamed as she was tackled and subdued before being dragged towards the Combine APC, being poked with some sort of needle into her neck.

Feeling her body completely go limp, and her mind to wander, she then fell unconscious as the Combine soldiers loaded her onto the vehicle and sped out of the area. However, a rebel shouted to them, having gone to sweep the perimeter of the base due to Magnusson complaining about crows again, the rebel then reached for a radio to call in the kidnapping.

A rebel who was nearby ran to Kleiner and Gordon as they finished hugging, holding up the walkie-talkie that he had.

“Dr. Freeman! They got Miss Vance!”

Gordon turned his head and stared, his eyes and face, cleaned some, but still showing loss. He breathed in and stared at the walkie before gazing to Kleiner. 

“...I need a car,” he told him, his voice hushed and sorrowful. He had to go. Rest wasn’t in his cards right now. It was time to pick the pace back up again so soon as it had dropped. 

“I **need** to save her.”

“Take the muscle car, I re-gassed it an hour ago.” The rebel suggested, pointing him towards the garage that had the muscle car in. Kleiner vented in, just praying that she was going to be okay. Not another one, they couldn’t lose another one.

Lightly coming to, Kristina wearily gazed around the interior of the APC, glancing to the Combine soldiers who were strapping her down so she wouldn’t move. The terrain the vehicle was going over was enough to make her feel nauseous and motion sick, wondering just where exactly they were taking her. She never learned Combine code, so it was hard to understand what they were saying. They gazed down at her, making her feel small and insubordinate.

She then slowly returned back to unconsciousness, as sound then faded from her mind, unsure if anyone knew where she was being taken, let alone if they were going to risk trying to get her back.


	2. The Crossing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a short mourning from the passing of Eli, rest has yet to come for the couple. Unfortunately, Kristina has been captured by the Combine, and it's up to Gordon to find out where they took her. Make haste, before the Vance family is entirely vanquished.

The muscle car sped down the road. He got information that the Combine were in a general direction and he went with it. South, east? They were somewhere. He was trailing them though, Gordon had come across their ‘tracks’ so to speak as he went through the White Forest. He continued out onto an open area and continued to head quickly towards them. The scientist shifted gears to go faster.

Faster.

_Faster._

**Faster.**

**_Need to go FASTER._ **

It was Gordon’s fault. She was in this situation because of him. She was lost because of him; Gordon couldn’t lose her because she had been hurt from him. Yes, she might have used him, but in the end it was still Kristina who he needed and wanted - Kristina, who kept him sane and kept him motivated. 

Why else would he be driving towards enemy lines for her? Why would he blame himself for what was going on if not for her? He zeroed in on noises ahead and continued to speed up as much as the muscle car would allow him to do so. He needed to get Kristina and he needed to get her _now_. 

Wearily coming to once more, the perky scientist gazed up at the faces of the Combine, feeling a slight tugging towards her wrist. She tried to glance over to see what they were doing to her, as she could smell the iron scent of blood, someone’s blood, perhaps her own. Glancing to her left, Kristina softly vented at the sight of her wrist being operated on, skin splayed open like some book and her red muscle in sight. She wanted to gag, she felt nauseous; instead she fell back unconscious as she received another dose of whatever they were giving her. Some sort of blue liquid. The more Gordon got closer, the more the tracks eventually lead to a train depot, just now beginning to pull out of the station. The APC that held her inside was now empty, as the Combine who caught sight to the Freeman coming up began to open fire, trying to keep him away while the train pulled out.

Gordon cared not for the firing and just drove up onto the platform to get closer to the train, closer and to have an easier time to jump onto said train. He rammed the muscle car into something and the force sent him flying out of it. The scientist reached out and willed himself to grab something, which he did, thanks to the god power of the suit he wore. 

Grunting, Gordon held on and flung himself around to get in, taking his crowbar to get some upper hand of use as he ran towards the shooting Combine and disposed of them, yanking a gun out of one’s hand and open fired on the close proximity aliens near him.

He wasn’t here to play nice, fair, or even give a chance. He was here on a mission and that was what he was going to do. Fulfill this damn mission and get Kristina out of there.

Coming in from the distance, were two gunships, trying to keep Gordon from climbing aboard the train. Unfortunately, he had made it on board, but that didn’t stop them from shooting up the muscle car so he had no method of getting back to it easily to escape. The razor train was speeding up, making it hardly impossible to find a safe spot to jump off to once he found Kristina.

She had to be in one of these train cabins; they were holding her somewhere. They were damn determined to keep him away, so she must be around there. All he had to do was make his way to her and find a method off this train before they get too far distant from White Forest.

Gordon had one option right now. One option to get through, get his girl, get off and back to safety. 

And, this was the moment Gordon went kind of berserk, running through, shooting, diving, dipping, sliding, and grabbing whatever he could to kill the Combine soldiers as he made his target known. Made it clear he was meaning business and nothing - and he did mean nothing - was going to keep him from doing what he had set out to do. 

As he came to one of the cabins, Kristina was finally spotted, behind a glass door, nude and on an operating table; completely unconscious and unaware of what was going on around her. Soldiers perked up as the Freeman came through, in their last attempts to keep him away from her. The soldiers rushed him, trying to knock him out and get him subdued as the other soldier who was operating on her could finished his work of sewing her up.

Gordon slid under them and shot upwards at their heads, moving to take them down, making one less of them, while he made his way to Kristina and the soldier working on her. That was not something he wanted to see and he was very aware that now they had put something in her. What it was he didn’t know, but it wasn’t nice and he was finding himself quickly on the last Combine in his way before he opened the door. 

“Step away now, because I don’t think you’re going to like me if you don't. I don’t have time for your games either,” he stated and pointed the loaded and hot gun at the soldier near Kristina. 

The soldier talked in code before pulling out a gun to start shooting towards the bearded scientist, in hopes to incapacitate him so that he may escape and call for backup, or potentially do more to Kristina than originally intended. However, he miscalculated his shots, as the bullet only ended up ricocheting off one of the bulletproof glass and straight back at the soldier’s head, causing him to topple over, bringing the operating tools with him. 

Kristina was still unconscious, breathing steadily but clearly knocked out. There were small puncture marks on the side of her neck, as her nude body was covered by a white sheet. The white light above her made her skin look pale, almost as if she was dead and having an autopsy. However, she wasn’t cut up or opened, thankfully, only instead of the bruises she received various times throughout their journey. 

Since Black Mesa, to present times.

Gordon sighed at the soldier’s stupidity and moved to grab Kristina and something to cover her in, determined to take her out of the train. He bandaged up her wrist quickly and moved to a cargo section of the train again; he believed he had seen something there that would help and he needed to double check before being stupid and going to the front of the train.

As he picked her up, it was simply clear. She might not have been entirely human, but she had a human body. She was soft, and could be hurt and bruised like a human. She bled the same red blood they did. Perhaps it was a choice - perhaps not. Nonetheless, she was still human to everyone else. Unconsciously twitching at being handled and covered up, she was still knocked out cold, obviously had a hard time as they caught her when she was most vulnerable.

As he made his way to another train car, there was an old memory. The buggy, a car that Kristina drove them along the coast, when trying to rescue her father, Eli from Nova Prospekt. He couldn’t forget the memories of it, as it was surprising to see it intact, including the tau cannon attached to the front bumper. He could use it to escape off the moving train. It wouldn’t be easy, but it could be done. He just had to make sure Kristina was situated into it well enough so she wouldn’t fall out.

How had the car survived? Gordon made a small question noise before he went to it. There wouldn’t be time to really ask questions, but he had time to get Kristina in, buckle her in with some straps he saw on a box, and make her unable to bounce out like a rag doll. He made sure she was in tight, her limbs weren’t going to move, and that she was as comfortable as he could get in her state. She was covered and now he could position the buggy to a door and opened it to peer outside. 

Kristina didn’t move, being strapped into the buggy tight but not too tight to cut off circulation and airflow. As he positioned the buggy, and opened the door, the sound of gunships arming their weapons was heard, as they tried to shoot Gordon as he peeked outside. Right, he had forgotten about those. Perhaps he would have to worry about them later, he needed to get Kristina off.

Gordon gave a quick glance to the ground to make sure he had a way to get down before getting into the buggy. It wasn’t a _steep_ drop… to a degree, but it was not exactly flat thanks to the landscape they were at, but he could make it work… he hoped. 

This was crazy, but he had to do it. Kristina needed out of here. He made sure she wasn’t going to snap her neck on the landing and then started up the buggy. He did a small rev test and tire movement before he shot out of the train cart. And out they went. The buggy spun at the rough landing, as the train sped away from them before heading into a tunnel that would no doubt make things difficult if they jumped off later than initially planned. They were lucky, but now they were in danger. The buggy didn’t provide much protection from the hailstorm of bullets from the gunships who now had a full view of them to chase after. Kristina seemed to be situated well, however still unconscious.

The least he could do was start reversing and getting the hell out of there before they were to get shot up again.

That was what he did - reversed and sped quickly backwards while staring at the bullets dangerously getting closer. He spun them around and slid down the hill before speeding up to get onto the tracks and flatter land. He was backtracking, skirting and slipping along the rough terrain to get to safety. Which seemed so damn far away now.

“Oh come on, come on, **come on** ,” he told the buggy as he hurried quickly as the wheels and engine would get him. He needed to get them out of there and he needed to do that now. He looked for anywhere he could get to hide out in for now if that was possible with a damn gunship raining down the small piercing spirals of hell storm upon them. 

“Gordon, you are an idiot; a very, very, very _under-planned_ idiot,” he told himself as he continued to scan and speed, praying and hoping he could get somewhere soon.

Lightly coming to, Kristina opened her green eyes wearily as the sounds she heard was muffled. Where was she now…? Was she still being operated on? Hearing the sound of gunships, she caught sight to herself being in the buggy. The buggy? How was she in…? She then glanced slowly to her left, gazing to the man in the hazard suit, talking to himself as he sped out of the area. Lightly inhaling and trying to endure her motion sickness from being drugged, Kristina lightly unrestrained herself and inhaled.

“ _Turn it around…_ ” She weakly stated before leaning forward and grabbing hold of the Tau Cannon, charging it up and trying to position it in a way to take shots at the gunships that chased after them. Kristina lightly swallowed, trying to keep herself from succumbing back to the drugs still in her system.

Once Gordon turned the car back around, she managed to shoot one of them down, trying not to lose herself in the drastic effects of the anesthesia. Half-naked, but the job still wasn’t done. With a quiet grunt, she motioned for Gordon to turn the car back around again, charging up another blast from the Tau Cannon to aim it at the last gunship. Lining up the shot, she shot it in the rotors, causing it to spin out of control and crash land near their position.

With the skies clear, and the road clear of obstacles, Kristina sat back in her seat, still weary and tired, trying to get her body to sit still as the anesthetics were still coursing through her. They must have used heavy stuff, as she found herself drifting in and out of consciousness once more, and obviously with her restraints loosened, she now posed the risk of falling out of the buggy.

Gordon was so scared with what Kristina was going to be lost in all of this so he was being careful in his driving, making sure he could see forward and back to see if anyone dared to challenge them again. When the skies were clear, he hissed while turning sharply to go in the general direction towards White Forest. The buggy zipped off and Gordon was trying to get in range to contact base camp while making sure to not bump Kristina too much as he continued to drive. He would get her wrist looked at as soon as he could. He didn’t know what the Combine did… but it was not good in his mind and he was not ready to let the thing in her work.

Kristina quietly mumbled as she tried to keep herself awake, feeling the bumping and slight swerving of the buggy as Gordon drove out of the area. White Forest was some ways off, but they hoped one of these resistance fighters patrolling would catch sight of them eventually. It was in the middle of the night, growing later, and his wife was still trying to stay conscious. Everything felt like a blur - she couldn’t tell what they were passing, all that she knew was the foliage. Green, but some of them were definitely dead. She mumbled once more, lightly wobbling some and trying to form words, even if they were slurred. She could only hope who was driving her would listen.

Gordon reached to touch her hand lightly and give her support while he continued to drive and get through the forest. He breathed in as he picked up radio feed on the walkie-talkie he snagged beforehand, moving to use it.

::Freeman to base,:: he called into it, trying to get an answer while driving still. He wanted answers soon… as soon as he could get them.

::Freeman! This is White Forest, do you read?::

Kristina lightly slurred again before closing her eyes and lightly kicking her legs. She tried to find the energy to form coherent words, but the drugs just wanted to make her go back to sleep. Soon, she felt something in the pit of her stomach. She needed to talk _now_.

“ _Pull…_ ,” she began before grabbing onto the railing the buggy had, “ _Over…_ ”

Gordon was about to answer when he heard Kristina. He moved to pull over and let her out of the buggy, but not without his help first. The scientist held his wife up and held the walkie-talkie while he listened to her and the radio feed.

::I read,:: he called out to the radio again while he continued to help Kristina along.

Kristina softly groaned as she still felt like she was moving, wobbling slightly before she was helped out of the buggy. She stumbled some, trying to get out with Gordon’s help. It was almost as if she was intoxicated, having a hard time walking and trying to keep up with her husband. She then pushed him away as the contents of her stomach now emptied near a tree she held onto.

::Did you find Miss Vance? We’re sending out a squad to come find you.:: Gordon lightly vented and breathed slowly as she tore from his hold, getting sick near the roots of a dead pine-tree.

::Yes, I found her. I have her currently. We need some medical assistance as soon as we come up to camp,:: the scientist spoke into the radio while he watched her quietly. He wanted her taken care of quickly and he lightly touched her back to give her support and take her hair away from the vomit stream.

::Very well, I’ll have a team waiting for you.:: The radio then cut some as the rebel went off to collect some medics to get ready to take Vance in once they arrived. Kristina didn’t feel like anything was supposed to come out of her, yet it did, and quite a lot as well. Considering the fact they haven’t eaten much for her to simply just throw up bile. Perhaps it was just the anesthetics doing that; she was only thankful she couldn’t feel anything... _much_. Her jaw was getting tired of being forced open as the bile pushed through, but all things considering, she didn’t feel as woozy afterwards. Once the disgusting event ended, she moved away from the area to save her nose from making her feel nauseous again, leaning against the dead tree for support. Green eyes closed as her body was ready to pass back out again. Kristina slowly started sliding down the tree in hopes to get comfortable and to prevent from hurting herself on the way down.

“Easy does it, we don’t have too far to go,” he promised and carefully carried her back to the buggy so that he'd strap her back in. Once he did, Gordon went to go and drive them out to meet up with the scouting team in the forest to get sent in the right direction to the encampment. From there... it was still up in the air.

Kristina wearily grunted as she was picked up and strapped into the buggy to keep her from falling out, still trying to fight against going unconscious, but the anesthetics had won, in which she passed out again as Gordon began driving. She seemed quiet, peaceful, like she hadn’t had a good rest like this, if it was determined to be a good rest, in basically what seemed like forever. They were always on foot, with the exception of some vehicles to cover long distances or detouring difficult paths.

It was hard to tell just what kind of fumes they were going on to still be standing and fighting and running, without collapsing or as so much as passing out right then and there. They spent weeks being awake and alert for any potential danger, now things have calmed down a little, however they still hadn’t gotten much rest.

As they both arrived to White Forest, a few resistance fighters and medics came over to retrieve Kristina and take her inside the base to make sure she wasn’t harmed in any way. Kleiner was there, just thankful she was okay, in the least. She wasn’t pale, but she didn’t look good either. The balding scientist looked to Gordon as he got out of the buggy, making his way over to him. 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be alright.”

He tried to be at least hopeful for the other, knowing that everything was considerably crashing down on him. Kleiner could see it in his eyes; the least he could do was to try and be optimistic for the Freeman. In any case, he had a good feeling that she’d pull through. The medics took her in, and examined her over, making sure that she was okay and the Combine didn’t do anything drastic on her.

Fortunately, that was the case.

“Dr. Freeman?” One of the medics came out of the room, moving towards him after what seemed like hours. It was only a measly 25 minutes, but waiting sure felt long. The medic approached him quietly, as the base was rather quiet itself. The rebels were most likely sleeping after a long enduring battle, so it wouldn’t do any good if they were to yell and have loud conversations with one another.

Gordon wasn’t far from the room his wife was in, so to speak. He didn't want to go too far from Kristina, yet not be in the way of the medical staff. Once he was called, he turned quickly to the medic to get some answers if they could.

“Yes?” he inquired, trying to hide his anxiousness within him.

“We had a look at Miss Vance and you can rest easy. She’s going to be fine; we had a look at her wrist and honestly, we can’t tell what exactly has been done, and we don’t want to risk figuring out ourselves due to her being so soon out of the operation. That and well… they placed it in such a way that we’re practically going to _kill her_ trying to dig it out. So I advised against it. We can only hope you keep a close eye on her and perhaps let us know if she has a major change.” The medic spoke to him quietly, letting him know that Kristina was going to be fine, but whatever they put in her, was still going to be unknown.

Who knew what they wanted her for - was this their last stand? Perhaps as an attempt to rid the Vance family once and for all? So many questions that were left unanswered but at least he could be at ease; Kristina was going to live.

“She’ll be out for another hour or so. I’ll leave out some rations, considering you did tell us she was sick beforehand. She’ll probably be anemic from the operation as well. It’ll take some time, but she should be back on her feet soon.” He told him before looking as another rebel came to tell him about their rations being low.

“She only needs a bit to keep her going, I’ll sacrifice my half.” The medic stated before watching the other rebel head off to get rations for Kristina.

Gordon didn’t like the conditions going on now, he didn’t like that Kristina had been operated on nor didn’t like she was anemic _nor_ did he like that she was sick, essentially. He warded himself off and nodded to the medic while his inward emotions were angry and slowly boiling away at him. He couldn’t do anything right now, couldn’t help Kristina, couldn’t comfort her. She was out of consciousness and was injured to say the least. Gordon hummed and moved to go, glancing to the medic over his shoulder. 

"Thank you," he stated simply, obviously him being here wasn't exactly helpful in any way. Gordon went to go walk for a small bit, to try and calm himself before he did something regretful. Plus, he didn’t want to creep on Kristina while she rested. Sure he was her husband, but there was still a creepy factor with sitting beside an unconscious person that wasn’t in a coma. 

The medic nodded and watched the Freeman head off. He could tell he was angry, but chose not to ask anything about it. They all needed rest, considering what they all went through. There was no telling what was going to happen while on their journey. However, it was a wonder - should they abide by Eli’s wish, or use the Borealis like Kleiner stated before? What exactly _is_ on that ship?

With Kristina being down for the count, it wasn’t like he could move over and ask her even if she was conscious. They had spoken horribly, and it was even a wonder how long that would be in effect, or what the outcome of that was.

Only time would tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This series is inspired by Marc Laidlaw's Epistle 3 post, but it's my interpretation of what happens using one of my Original Characters.


	3. All Caught Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Kristina safe and back in White Forest, what could exactly be implanted in her wrist? Unsure of anything anymore, Gordon can only hope that it won't keep them from their goals.

Eyes darted around underneath eyelids, as the holder of them twitched in her sleep. It had to be 2am at this point, however she was still out; fingers twitched at the dream that played through her mind. At least, what she thought was a dream.

No, it was a _nightmare_.

Her mouth mumbled and quirked as her mind played memories of her being at Black Mesa, in the same old test chamber, in the same old HEV suit, and in the same old situation. Green beams, the Anti-Mass Spectrometer going haywire, and Gordon…

Gordon was dead. She couldn’t save him. She didn’t save him. As his dead corpse faded and the world with it, another memory was replaced. Them going through the halls, trying to find a way out of that hellhole, but to no avail. Freeman couldn’t take it anymore. They reached the elevator shaft, and she made her way to the ladder off to the left, but he didn’t follow. Instead, all she could head was the echoed thud of his body hitting the ground floor below.

The ladder faded from her hands and soon were replaced with a AR-15, watching her colleague get chewed up into the ceiling. It piled on and on, images of Gordon’s lifeless body thrown into a pit of rejects that had failed multiple times. Whether unwillfully…

Or willfully.

She could hear his voice now, echoing in that darkness that this was her fault. That it was her fault they died. As the pile of Gordon’s woke with either damaged faces or none at all, they stared to her as if she was the scum of the universe. As she held the weapon in her hands, and listened to the various bodies below her feet, Kristina slowly turned the weapon on herself… and fired.

Waking up with a gasp, Kristina panted hard as she awoke on the medical bed, gazing to a dark and quiet room before closing her eyes and wiping her face with her hands. She gazed at the sheet covering her from between her fingers as she still kept her hands to her face; forever doomed to press herself into guiltiness. As hands slowly drifted to fall onto her lap, she then gazed to the blue, piercing eyes in the corner.

“Not a word.” She managed to say, speaking hoarsely as she felt his presence in the room. Removing the sheet from herself, she had swung her legs to get up onto her bare feet, glancing to her still naked body. Touching at her bruises and various cuts and pricks from medical administration from the HEV suit, she then made her way towards a locker, gazing at some pants and a shirt hanging on some old wire hangers within. She grabbed for them and slipped them on her paled body to have some decency.

The blue eyed man just gazed at her nude form, moving towards her as he was curious of the female. Knowing what she had seen in her dreams, knowing how her emotions were wild and fear fresh in body and mind. He grinned to her form as her words held no whim to him, not able to keep hold from him doing anything.

“Fear does you good, _Lambda_ ,” he whispered to her and lightly slid a finger along the crease of her back before she covered herself. He, in all sense of the word, was perverted for the female before him. Such indecent thoughts rolled in him, but those were not to be indulged while he was busy making business. 

With a flinch at the touch and a more quicker pace at changing into clothes, she simply moved away from the other, pulling various pieces of threading that were hanging off the shirt, before looking at him straight in the face.

“You are to observe, not to _prod_ into what I’m feeling. It won’t do you or your employers any good to get off topic.” She angrily told him, obviously upset that he was enjoying her discomfort. Kristina fixed her hair some and moved to a sink nearby to rinse out her mouth, still tasting the icky bile she gagged up a while ago. Spitting out the sediment-mixed water, she lingered by the sink as she still felt sick. 

Spotting some rations nearby, she quickly moved to open up the stale crackers and have some small bites, still feeling his stare at the back of her head.

The G-man gazed to her as she ate her crackers, a smirk still presented on his face. He watched Kristina as she was the object of his attention right now, slowly stepping over to the woman, however his footsteps ceased to be heard.

“Benefit or not, it is still up to me to keep you going in this form,” he pointed out and smirked a little wider to her, watching and lightly trailing his eyes down her form. It was not hard to guess what he might be doing, but his eyes went up to her face reflected in the mirror as she nibbled away on her crackers.

“It was a minor setback.” Kristina paused her eating and looked to him. 

“Our--,” she paused momentarily to swallow. “ _My_ journey still stands and is still in effect. You are visiting me quite more often than I like, and more often than you used to. Which means you have something to say to me. If not, please move along and leave me be.” Kristina went back to nibbling on her cracker to regain strength, feeling a little bit better but she still felt sick to her stomach. Was it anxiety?

At this point, she couldn’t tell anymore; her own body wanted to attack her for being stubborn. With it being late in the night, no doubt everyone would be trying to get their rest, however she was wide awake, having been knocked out for a few hours. She then glanced to him quietly.

“Why did you warn Eli Vance through me? Why relay the message he heard 20 years ago? _You knew this was going to happen and you **didn’t** tell me_.” Kristina set down her crackers and pointed a finger at him, now extremely upset. However, she kept her voice subsided of tone, considering no one else was supposed to hear them. It would cause even more consequences than she could afford in the moment.

“You are anxious and seeing things... out of proportion,” he stated, avoiding her question and moved to lightly _grip_ her pointed finger with his own two fingers. It was almost as if he wasn't grabbing her at all; like he was nothing but a ghost with a cold, cruel intention. Would it be safe to call him a demon?

She pulled her finger away from him and huffed, feeling the overwhelming need to slap him, however she knew he would move out of the way before she even lifted her hand. Kristina simply moved away from the lanky, pale man in the blue suit, inhaling lightly to control her anger. 

“Eli knew about this, didn’t he? He was going to die, as soon as you made me tell him. You played this into your favor. Why? Is it because you weren’t getting results? Or were your _employers_ bent on getting a reaction out of me? You purposely interfere when it _benefits_ you.” Kristina lightly rubbed her face, remembering the dream she had with the multiple universes of Gordon. 

The perky scientist then lowered her hands, glancing to the floor. Lightly sighing, she then glanced at the man once more. 

“Why did you threaten me? You never once laid a direct finger on me, now you see to it by any means to touch me. Your behavior is becoming more erratic, more... _unexpecting. Why?_ ” Kristina glanced to him, green eyes staring deep and fierce. She didn’t feel like playing around anymore, but instead had a serious tone towards the other. The smaller woman approached him slowly, eyebrows furrowed as she seemed suspicious towards him.

“ _The death of Eli Vance came quick and sudden. I had no recognition of it happening beforehand. But you obviously knew; why show yourself now?_ ” Kristina's forest green eyes squinted as she asked him constant questions, trying to draw an answer out of this damned man.

If he truly was man.

The G-man gazed to her and just skipped around the question, “How is your wrist?” he asked as he saw it was inflamed a little from irritation. He went to grab her arm and touch it to see what she would do. The glowing eyes of his held no answers, nor did his face give any away. He wasn’t going to answer her as he didn’t have to. 

“Dodging the question, I don’t have to answer you **either**.” She pulled her hand away roughly, walking away from the other. Kristina wanted to leave, however she had a deep feeling that lanky, mysterious man wouldn’t let her just yet until she answered his constant riddles. The perky scientist always dealt with this in the past, before Gordon and her ever became a thing - if they even still were a thing.

Locked in the office, forced to talk with him while Gordon peered in from the windows to see just who exactly he was. Did he even remember those days? Perhaps not, since she asked him not to think much upon it. But oh was she angry. 

“I have nothing more to say to you.” She stated, glancing over her shoulder towards him.

“Having nothing to say... and being forced to say something are two different things,” The G-man stated as he moved up beside her and froze the room around them. He wanted time to talk with her, to make her know that he wasn’t going to let her go lightly until he had what he wanted this time. 

“I’m not letting you go until I get what I need,” he told her then made her turn to him and gaze to her. “He still remembers me, he catches sight of me still. If that is what plagues your mind,” he told Kristina. 

Kristina vented before glancing to him as he made her turn to him, staring up into his sunken face and glowing eyes. Eyes that would pierce into her soul and remind her of contract-- their contract to him and his employers. She wanted nothing more than to tear from his hold and avert that gaze, however it would be done with struggle.

“Freeman still knows of you, and _always_ has taken notice to you. From the outskirts of City 17, to the television in the lounge room of White Forest. He still does not know of your entirety. I cannot keep him from avoiding his glance towards you. I only ask you leave me be, and leave him be. We do not need a constant reminder of our binding.” Kristina moved her head away as he grew uncomfortably close.

“Should you want this _task_ done faster, I suggest you let me go back.”

“Not until you give me what I want, _Lambda_ ,” he told her and moved her head to have her watch him again, “I want your nightmares re-learned; you seem to forget with your... uncertainty of what happens if you let Dr. Freeman go,” The G-man told her and moved to cover her eyes with his hand for a moment and slowly bend the world to one she hated and feared to see.

Kristina looked to the world before venting lightly and averting her gaze to the ground. She didn’t want to look, a glance was enough to set her off. She cursed underneath her breath, feeling that she was reliving those failed chances over and over again. The way he died; unbearable. She hated it with her every being because she knew she was the cause of it.

“He will complete this. He has gotten farther much more than previously planned. He knows he can’t stop. But it doesn’t mean I condone it.” She looked up at him. Her mind shut the world down, bringing them back to the darkness of the medical lab. She removed herself from his arms and finished dressing herself, doing up the last of her buttons placed on her shirt, glancing to the mirror. 

“I’m finished.” She then moved out of the medical lab and headed down the hall, heading towards the warehouse to find the helicopter they were to fly out in within a few hours. It would be best to check for damage, from the previous event that transpired. If they had lost the helicopter, another route needed to be handled. They only had the buggy, haven to have lost the muscle car due to her kidnapping hours earlier. 

Coming to the warehouse, she glanced to a few rebels who were assessing the damage, taking notice to Miss Vance and stopping their work to let her know just what indeed happened to it. Thankfully, it didn’t have major damage; nothing they can’t handle. Kristina agreed to help along, making sure they were putting parts in right. The rebels were a bit concerned, considering she was working on it this early after being let out of the medical bay, but they had no say in stopping her. In the back of her mind, she couldn’t stand the way she was caught in the middle of this. She regretted the moment they stepped into the test chamber - regretted the moment she decided to save Freeman. If it weren’t for her, they wouldn’t be here.

“Why am I so _afraid_ …?” She mumbled to herself, not expecting any kind of answer from nearby rebels, mostly because they couldn’t hear her. But she knew - she knew he was watching, waiting, growing tired of her rejection and denial and would have to charge to different methods of getting her to see.

But she wouldn’t see. No matter how it was presented to her. She had grown too attached now, and it has cost her. Kristina would never get her answer for the death of her father, and why it came so sudden and so… mysteriously unknown. She should have recognized it’s coming, however… it was almost as if she drew a blank.

And drawing blanks had consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kristina's host name is Lambda.
> 
> This series is inspired by Marc Laidlaw's Epistle 3 post, but it's my interpretation of what happens using one of my Original Characters.


	4. Old Faithful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The G-man taunts Kristina with her inability to make decisions and now they are costing her. Her brief dissociation and fear with Gordon not being able to succeed in their mission forever haunts her; however their goal still stands. Despite Kristina now starting to have second doubts.

“I don’t know what to do...” he lightly spoke aloud to the open. Green eyes gazed to the unforgiving sky while he stood silently and had his hands fiddling with the crowbar. He mainly needed something to mess with, thus the tool, as he couldn’t do anything else with his hands under the gloves; couldn’t pick at the skin around his fingers as a habit, or his nails. Gordon was anxious, nervous, and a little saddened as he moved to lower his gaze to the grave before him, lightly marked to show an important person laid inside it.

“I’m lost, Eli,” he whispered and breathed in slowly, feeling his eyes fill with tears as his emotions were starting to get a small bit control over him, instead of the other way around. He put the bent end of the crowbar to his chin and lightly tapped his beard with it. “I’m lost and don’t know what to do, what to think, plan, or even remotely understand. I hurt Kristina, she’s hurt me, we’ve hurt each other and ourselves... but I still love her. Yet she pulled away from me sharply and I believe I ruined things,” he told the grave while being alone. It was late and most of the rebels were asleep or elsewhere. 

“I wish I could ask you properly what to do. She’s your daughter after all - you know her better. You understand her better and why or how she thinks and does what she does. But… but you can’t… you’re gone… and it’s my fault. If it wasn’t for me, for my stupid actions back there, you’d still be alive. Alive and able to give your advice. Able to help Kristina and such, but, I did so much messing up that I don’t know where to begin to fix it,” he rambled some and gazed to the etched name on the headstone. 

“Give me a hint… anything. Please?” Gordon questioned the open space, like a crazy person asking the wind for answers. Gordon was asking the grave of his father-in-law for something. 

However the world was silent for him, the breeze that brushed through his grimy hair felt like fingers of someone, but of course, no one was there. He could possibly recall the last words Eli spoke to him. About him being proud of the bearded scientist, thanking him genuinely for what he has done for them even if they couldn’t repay him to the same extent. He was proud of him, enough to think of him as his own son. Eli was proud that the two had gotten together, joking how he wished they’d get on already with grand-kids. Those times seemed simpler then. It didn’t feel like they were in a war, during those times. But now, that friendly voice and tone was no more. The ambush that had taken him away before their very eyes would be a memory they’d never forget. This world, everything that had happened and everything in it, seemed all for nothing. Emotions were all over the place between the both of them - Kristina and him. There was no telling if such a relationship could be repaired.

But the choice still stood.

To destroy the Borealis, or to use it to their advantage.

“Sometimes the silence of voices are answers to life’s most deepest questions, Doctor Freeman.” A voice from behind him, one that he has come to recognize, from the beginning when he arrived at the accursed City 17… to the moments of which he weaved his life with Kristina’s to stop the element of death from taking her too. The mysterious man who stared from vast distances; in dead ends that were practically unreachable. He was a man, but not a man. Blue suit, indigo tie, and a thickly black suitcase he carried since the beginning of Black Mesa’s catastrophe. 

“You and your _riddles_...” Gordon hissed and bristled some. This man put him on edge, he didn’t dare to face him. He didn’t need to, he knew who it was, didn’t need to see those haunting, accursed eyes. The scientist breathed slowly and continued to watch Eli’s grave, giving himself a moment to think.

“What is it that you want? Besides giving me riddles to mess with?” He quirked to the thin, pale man.

“Only reminding you as well of your… _predicament_ , Mister Freeman. Aside from the accompaniment of your established wife, you do make the call of the people here now. They are willing to accept a new leader and wouldn’t doubt you even for a moment.” The lanky man had a smug tone to his voice, poking mentions that he had talked to Kristina before coming here, which meant that she was awake. That she was okay.

In the least.

“The voice is mightier than the sword, Doctor Freeman. Or, in your case, a crowbar, wielded by none other than the hands of the betrayer,” his voice echoed freely, their mutual friend gazed to him with empty eyes despite the other not turning around to meet him with lively ones. Fierce ones, ones that held anger. He licked his lips and breathed in, swallowing dryly as if he hadn’t had water in quite some time now. The world around them still ceased to turn; the government man slowly beginning to smirk.

“Yet, you prove yourself to be an intelligent kind so I know you won’t have any trouble understanding my warning, Doctor. A certain drive to move forward, is all but futile if the eyes of the beholder refuses to see reason. You are beginning to be far more worth than the initial… appraisal. Let sleeping dogs lie, Mr. Freeman. For the good of all mankind.” The man hinted towards the death of Eli Vance no longer being of any concern for them, as their true ideas to continue on with their task needed to be top priority. 

He couldn’t mourn, couldn’t have a moment alone; he needed to think about what choice he was going to make. His snake of words settling uncomfortably deep in the pit of his stomach, almost as if he was trying to get a rise out of him, for the benefit of amusement. Gordon just huffed and flicked his eyes towards the side to catch a hint of the pale man. He didn’t want to mess with him or be messed with. He still wanted answers as to why it had to be him, why did he, a nobody scientist, that had to be the great hero that everyone knew?

“And you are far more _trouble_ than you are worth.” Gordon told him, reminding the pale man that he saw his annoying figure everywhere - watching, peaking, observing, “Such as a stalker after a prize.” He wouldn’t mention Kristina, wouldn’t talk about his wife to this man. Gordon didn’t want to have much conversation with this entity behind him if his wife was concerned with the man’s true intention. It would cause Gordon problems. 

“Deny me all you like, Mister Freeman. However, as I may… relay my words to you as I did to Miss Vance - remember why you are here. Why I must observe you. You could have denied her besides denying me, nonetheless, look where you are.” The lanky man made the world freeze, approaching up to the mourning scientist before becoming uncomfortably close to the other, almost as to whisper into his ears.

“Mourning someone who has no answers for you. And will never have answers for you. For you see, Doctor, someone who is long dead is of no use to you anymore. It is time to continue on with your task at hand, as time is truly of the essence. Your goal is up for grabs, to say… the point insertion being that of the Borealis. Should you get caught up in your emotions or… will you give your… _wife_ the chance her mother never had?” He moved away from him, relaying words that were spoken to him by Breen, atop the Citadel when they had been captured to rescue Eli and his daughter before.

The feeling in the pit of his stomach continued to boil, wanting to scream out and lunge for this man; he had caused more harm than good. It was even hardly known if he ever did any good. Gordon gritted his teeth as the man came up behind him, uncharacteristically close to his being; uncomfortably close. The scientist listened to him while the swell in his belly boiled and burned, ebbed and flowed while slowly building up in him. He turned to face the man, no matter how close and gave him a dangerous look. 

“I’m the one who has control of this, don’t I? I’m the one who started it because no one else had he choice, it is in my hands. Let me do what I need to,” he emphasized to the pale man before him, staring him straight into the eyes defiantly. 

“Careful, Mister Freeman. You wouldn’t want to be making... _enemies_ with the wrong kind, now would you?” He grinned to him as the other angrily stared at him. Such passion in those eyes, for someone who was barely keeping it together. The man in the blue suit then moved over to Eli’s grave, glancing to the makeshift tombstone before touching it lightly.

“Would you have still considered him a being of importance… even if he did lie to you many a time, Doctor? Not only that he kept the secret of Miss Vance, but also himself. Still, I’m not one to squander. His time of death was in fact planned. Perhaps the one who you call your... beloved is someone who can answer that for you. Should she feel the need to.” The annoying smirk rolled across his lips before soon the other moved to straighten his tie and pick lint off of the suit he wore. Did Kristina know more than she was telling? What else was she keeping from him?

“Although, with great power comes great responsibility, Mister Freeman. Perhaps you should do wise to figure out who truly are your allies in this time of need.” He grinned to him as he glanced over his shoulder to the scientist, clearing his throat some.

“See her safely to the Borealis, Doctor Freeman. The last of the Vance bloodline does tend to get ahead of herself.” The mysterious man then walked behind a tree, disappearing from view, never to return to sight again. He was a bastard of a person, almost as if he was deliberately pinning him against his companion, Kristina. However… what did she know, and was not telling him? Unfortunately, he could not receive answers from her father, being 6 feet under. The world seemed more grim and dangerous now, as this was certainly going to be a fight for their lives. All of them - the universe. Would they even succeed?

What would happen if they failed? Not knowing anything made the feeling boil more, ready to burst like overfilled balloon.

Gordon breathed slowly and moved to slam the crowbar against a nearby rock to make it vibrate and hurt him some with the impact. He groaned and held on tightly as the vibrations ran up his fingers, arms, joins, muscles, clamping and compressing so he could calm down. The scientist stood there shaking from the impact and slowly calmed down as his spinal nerves tingled and gave light to redirect information through his being. 

He slowly released the breath he had held through the whole process then went to go find his wife. He needed to talk with her. Needed to see if she was alright. Secrets were still secrets, after being alone for a while and thinking to himself, he understood why she had kept them, why she had made him in the unknown. For protective purposes rather than to harm. Gordon knew now, knew he could do better. That bastard of a mystery man wouldn’t get his way of pinning Gordon against Kristina. 

“I won’t let you win," He whispered to nothing as he walked to find where his wife had gone, leaving Eli’s grave within solemn silence behind him. 

As he moved back inside the base of White Forest, some rebels were still awake, checking their weapons and checking their stock to see what they could give to them towards their journey to the Borealis. However there was no sign of Kristina anywhere. She had to be awake now, most likely working on something or other. She never took a rest, not even after her injury with the Hunter. Considering the circumstances, perhaps he could understand why. It wasn’t until one of the rebels approached him. Dr. Kleiner, his old mentor, asked to see him, if possible. He wanted to have a talk with the other, maybe perhaps to see if he had calmed down. Still, that was not guaranteed, maybe the old mentor had some information they could use.

There was no telling unless he went to see what he wanted. Kristina could… possibly wait. She didn’t exactly ask for him to come see her when she woke, so maybe she was still upset.

He would give her a moment more time to just see what Dr. Kleiner needed. It was good to have a plan, or just a check up with someone else who gave some stability to himself and his mind. He would need all the stability he could get when going to Kristina, to see her and talk. To calm her down and let her lash out if needed. 

Gordon moved to where Dr. Kleiner was holding himself up in for the time being and made a noise as he approached, “You wanted to see me, Dr. Kleiner?” he asked his mentor lightly while gazing to look at the aged scientist before him.

The balding scientist was writing something down as Gordon came in before peeking over his shoulder and moving away from the counter to greet him. He gave him a pat on the shoulder before inhaling lightly.

“I did. I wanted to see how you were feeling, at first and foremost.” He asked, wondering if Gordon had gotten any better, due to his panic attack earlier. And with Kristina getting captured, it surely wasn’t good for him psychologically.

Gordon breathed slowly, “For the moment, I’m calm,” he stated, “I took sometime talking to Eli’s grave to let out some frustrations I had. I feel… less agitated and my mind isn’t as foggy as it once was,” he admitted to Dr. Kleiner. He always found it easier to tell his process to his mentor, he did so with experiments that sometimes went awry and would get some feedback, then questions on what he could do to improve things for next time if needed.

Kleiner nodded to him, brown eyes looking him over and wondering if he had potentially harmed himself but he seemed to be fine. Then the older scientist moved away from him, and towards a table, taking something out of a containment chamber. With a slight hiss of pressure releasing and the doors opening, he then turned to show it to him. 

“I figured… you might need something on your travels. You never had one… since your time at Black Mesa and I always wondered when you might receive yours. So I figured… if you didn’t have one back then, you might as well need one now. A helmet, to protect you from the elements you and Kristina are heading into. Since it will be colder, this helmet will help regulate the temperatures you’re in, so your power won’t be zapped out of your suit.” He approached the other and showed him the helmet. It wasn’t new or nicely manufactured; it did have a few pieces of duct tape upon it, but it looked functional. Ever since he had the HEV suit, he barely wore the helmet, even if the environments they were in surely called for it. 

“I built it… around the time I refurbished your HEV suit, back in City 17. However, it had a few… dings in it, as you can see. And needed to be worked on constantly to work. Now that I managed to stabilize it… I’m sure it’ll be of great help to you.” Kleiner held it out for him to take. Gordon moved towards Kleiner to take the helmet from him and carefully held it. 

“I didn’t imagine a suit like this would have one, but it makes a lot of sense. Why protect your body when the head is vulnerable?” he joked lightly with his mentor. He moved to carefully put it on to test it for his mentor, see how it worked inside and how he could utilize it or what needed some work quickly. Kleiner smiled lightly as the other put it on, watching him fit it. It was snug, but wasn’t constricting him too much to where he felt like it was suffocating. Sure was insulated, guaranteed to keep him from freezing in the subzero temperatures of the arctic. The balding scientist was only glad Gordon liked it, as it hooked up to his suit easily. The protective system made note of it, thus completing the full look he was supposed to have, long ago.

It brought up a display of his suit, indicating areas of his body that endured the most damage from forces they dealt with, including some that were practically years old. To the head - only meant that the hit those HECU grunts gave him back then to knock him out and toss him in the trash compactor was still hanging around. Well, it was practically months for them since that happened, so it was considered fresh.

Everything that happened was made a note of, but he seemed to be healthy, either way.

“It’ll take notice to your vitals a lot more easier, and give you a full display of problem areas you are dealing with. And… as such, you are equipped with a compass, located at the top of your visor, which should help with directions you wish to go in.” Kleiner told him as he donned the helmet.

“Oh thank you Dr. Kleiner, you magnificent man,” Gordon replied thankfully; finally he wouldn’t get lost. That was the best feature of the helmet that was mundane compared to the rest. He beamed under the helmet and gazed to his mentor while keeping it on to let it finish syncing up with the rest of the suit. 

“Does the faceplate retract?” he asked through the head piece. It would be easier if it did since it was a small struggle to get it off and on in a situation. 

“It should. Vox - retract.” He asked it before humming lightly and giving it a small tap of some sorts, almost as if he was trying to fix an old TV from being all static. Watching as the visor folded up, Kleiner gazed to the other’s face.

“There we go. It’s still got some tricks to it, but a good hit or so should be all you need to fix it.” Kleiner smiled to him, happy that Gordon was liking the new helmet. Well, new, as in a new feature, not in as completely and utterly newly manufactured for him. They had to make do with what they had. Luckily his old mentor still knew how to build stuff.

Gordon beamed happily to his mentor and hugged him in appreciation for what he did. “Thank you, Dr. Kleiner, for all that you do,” he said as he held the older man, “Without you here, still, I would probably have lost it a long time ago.” he admitted to him. Through the suit, Gordon could feel how frail his mentor was becoming, due to age, and just the stress of their lives currently putting on the scientist’s frame. He hoped Dr. Kleiner was keeping himself in as much good health as he could give himself. After a few moments of embrace, he backed up and stood there, breathing in and moving to close the face for a moment to just test it, “Vox - engage,” he said, trying to get it cover his face for a moment.

Kleiner smiled softly to the other as he was genuinely proud of him too, giving a soft pat to his shoulder. He may have been his mentor, but he always saw him as a true friend, not just a student. He then watch the other try and close his visor again in which it did, slowly this time, lighting up the display with in for him to see.

“I hope you take good care of it, and stay inseparable just as you would with the HEV suit, Gordon. Promise me.” He asked, chuckling lightly as the other seemed to be having fun with his visor, almost as if he was making it wave hello to him.

Gordon nodded and chuckled to his mentor, retracting the face plate once more, stopping his play. “I will, thank you again,” he said and smiled to his mentor happily. “I have to go see Kristina now and... work some things out with her. Wish me luck,” he replied quietly, moving to turn from Dr. Kleiner to go find his wife. He needed to fix things with her - fix up what he messed up on.

Kleiner nodded to him and patted his shoulder, watching the other turn to go find Kristina and talk with her. He could only hope the two of them would finally make amends and talk again. She was stubborn, but she didn’t need another death of a relationship to her. God only knew what might happen if that were the truth. As Gordon went off, Kleiner flinched lightly as something fell in his lab before taking a look, giving a soft huff and a clap of his hands.

“Lamarr! That is _not_ to be played with!” The older scientist shouted, moving over to scold his… pet. Even if it was considered greatly disturbing to call a headcrab a pet. But, it was Doctor Kleiner - no one really couldn’t say no to him. He had weird ambitions and hobbies, but he sure offered a lot of help to those who needed it.


	5. Theoretical Solipsism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Gordon donning a helmet after several years of not having one, and the G-man's words sticking to him like glue, he tries one last attempt to fix the filament of Kristina's relationship with him. It would be no easy task, considering the last time they spoke, was the first time he realized what she was.

Kristina worked upon the helicopter in silence, as a few rebels nearby were making conversation whilst cleaning up the rubble that came with the ambush from earlier. Part of the warehouse was strung out along the floor, so using damaged brooms, the few of them swept them to the side, making a clearing for the helicopter to be pulled out into the open for takeoff.

D0g watched his owner nearby, in standby but one could tell he wasn’t as happy as before when his family was together. He could tell Kristina was trying hard to keep a simple face, to not let her emotions get the better of her in this time of need. She needed to mourn, however she refused. Duty came first, unfortunately pushing distressing feelings into the back of her mind. She wished she could go back to Black Mesa; to make them stop that damned test.

Yet, she knew that wouldn’t do any good at all.

The test needed to happen, otherwise - a potential paradox would end the universe there and then. As she worked atop the helicopter, digging her foot into the side some to prevent herself from slipping, Kristina assessed the damage to the rotors, finding that the damage wasn’t as bad as she thought. D0g had fallen onto it, when trying to rip the Advisor from her when they were incapacitated, but she was only thankful he hadn’t totally destroyed their only fast way to the location of the Borealis.

No matter how much her focus was drawn into attention to the rotors, her mind drifted to the rebels below, who were having a small talk upon Eli’s death. They too wondered what the future held for them, considering their main leader was now dead. Some had suggested Freeman, but some else were skeptical. Freeman might have made it this far, but he always had help. As such, one didn’t believe one man could have caused all of this. “Asinine,” he believed.

Some weren’t entirely moved by Gordon’s handles of situations; figures. There was always going to be someone who doubted their abilities. Suggesting that it was only out of pure luck, not exactly by their hands. Which seemed true; they had more runs with luck than they handled by themselves. However she knew the true reason. The universe wasn’t letting them die - for one reason or another. Yet, she took notice to one detail.

They seemed to take notice to Freeman’s accomplishments, and not the _Freemans’_ accomplishments. Screw loosened and taken off, Kristina paused momentarily to listen to their conversation more, wondering if they even thought of her in the same way. She was used to not being credited, ever since she was young. 

That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

They spoke of the way Freeman handled things. _Freeman did this, Freeman did that, Gordon Freeman will save us all, just you wait_. There was no… no Vance, no Kristina, no anything regarding her. Among them, she was just another rebel who happened to be close to Gordon. Did they even know she was his wife? 

_So uh, is that your boyfriend?_

“Husband actually…” She remembered correcting one of those rebels, the time where the muscle car retained damage from a Combine helicopter. It was right after their first encounter with an Advisor, in some sort of house. These people didn’t see her as a part of much. Their focus was on the Freeman. Deep inside - it did make her angry.

If it weren’t for her, she wouldn’t have--

Kristina thought quietly to herself. Maybe that was it; she didn’t contribute much to the resistance at all. She was always tagging along, caught in the crossfire when trouble followed in their wake. Black Mesa, City 17, now White Forest. That’s why these people don’t recognize her. Closing her green eyes and hanging her head some, the perky scientist vented quietly. She was complaining about nothing. Her name meant nothing. Eli’s name meant something, he lead the resistance and saved them before Gordon came around. 

Now Gordon was doing the same. Now her, she was just tagging along like the rest of these rebels. She had no purpose in the resistance and she couldn’t believe it took her this long to notice. Quietly swallowing the saliva that pooled in her mouth, she returned to working on the helicopter, replacing a few screws that were damaged from the bump before tightening them. Climbing down some the top, she moved to the cockpit and turned the ignition, venting lightly as the rotors still didn’t turn. What else could it be?

Gordon was standing quietly in the corner of the room. He watched, listened, and observed Kristina. He saw her silent movements now and again. Her looking down, hanging her head, obviously she was thinking. Gordon motioned to the rebels to take a break and moved to take over for them so they’d not have to worry about their work not getting done. 

The scientist needed to speak with the less than perky scientist right now. Needed to give her some attention and a chance to get what she wanted to say, out. He opened the helmet and gazed to her before opening his mouth a little to call out.

“Kristina.”

Kristina continued to work on the helicopter in silence, as the rebels moved aside and out of the warehouse when Freeman told them to. They had heard, previously, of their earlier argument. Simply because Magnusson couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Bickering here and there about wasting time with each other when more important events were threatening their very lives. Tea time was over, it was time to get to work.

Thus his entry before things escalated came at a right time; unfortunately. He was the least person to really stop a fight - he was one to start them. Hearing her name did Kristina stop her work on the rotors, not so much as giving the other a glance. It was more out of shame, than hatred.

Gordon felt like it was hate though, with her not looking at him. He breathed slowly and watched her, “I… wanted to talk” he spoke softly, “... and apologize.” There was raw honesty in his voice, it had a pitch higher than usual, signifying he felt like he was at fault for a lot of things; their fight for one, Eli’s death for another, her getting captured as a third. He felt so responsible and wanted to make things right. 

“Will you allow me the chance to do so with you?”

Kristina listened to the other speak to her, however it was almost as if his words were drawn out of her mind, or at least over it. She wondered if she did it intentionally, considering what they’ve been through, or if not looking at him meant that her attention wasn’t focused on talking. Green eyes stared to the rotors before her hands unconsciously fixed the screw that was out of place. It seemed like that was her answer. Talking didn’t seem a priority, especially towards him. However their awkward silence was cut short when Magnusson came into the warehouse, walking around D0g with an attitude as he was clearly in the way before looking to Kristina.

“Vance! The control room, now.” He told her before walking off, mumbling how he had to come all this way to her when calling for rebels to go retrieve her was much more easier. However, apparently the Comm system wasn’t working so he had to walk down there himself. As always, he was an asshole, so Kristina hopped off of the helicopter and tossed the wrench into the toolbox, moving past Gordon to follow Magnusson out of the warehouse.

Gordon sighed and lowered his head. Of course she wouldn’t talk to him. Why would she? He messed up big time, he’d be lucky if she ever even gave him a glance again, let alone any words. The scientist went to the helicopter and gazed at it before glancing to D0g. 

“I know I messed up,” he whispered softly to him, “... I just want a chance to make it right again… in some way that I can be able to do. Even if it’s letting her get her aggression out on me,” he told D0g once they were alone.

D0g glanced to Gordon as he spoke to him, making small sad chirps as she too wasn’t paying attention to him. She was barely paying attention to anybody, especially those who were close to her. The large robotic dog simply sat on the floor, continuing to be in standby mode as he didn’t really know what else to do. Kristina won’t play or talk with him, and Eli… well, he couldn’t count on him to play anymore. 

As Kristina moved to the control room, the area where they had launched the rocket to end that godforsaken Superportal from the Combine Citadel in City 17; now it was just a mess, hardly a place to launch another rocket, even if they had one. She simply gazed to Magnusson in wonder why he was so pissed upon getting her to talk with him, and why drag her all this way to do so.

Gordon lightly moved to D0g and patted his head as he sighed softly to the robotic creature. “I know, buddy… I miss them too,” he hummed lightly and hugged D0g while waiting for Kristina to come back… if she was going to come back. With him being there, he wouldn’t doubt she’d avoid the area like the plague unless she really had to do something in the area.

Like work on the copter. But even then, she’s avoided looking or talking with Gordon, ignored his existence. Not something he needed for his confidence or self-worth. Just like back in Seattle or at M.I.T., back in school. Isolated, barely talked to anyone. Only really had Dr. Kleiner to talk to. It made him feel really lonely and isolated, more so now since he knew what it was like to have someone constantly around you that you adored having around. 

He missed Kristina.

She waited, and waited, as Magnusson stared her down like she was some test subject. Kristina continued to watch him, obviously in no mood for his shenanigans if that’s what he was going for. He always seemed to hate her; either for being a woman in the realm of science, or simply he had some insecurities because she was smarter than him, and proved it when they worked at Black Mesa. Instead, the other’s old, scrunched face seized to be calm, glancing to her with a look of concern.

“Regarding everything that has happened, including the survival of humanity, despite one of the most important ones to the resistance, I pulled you aside to ask of you, if you are indeed alright.” This came as a surprise, which caused Kristina to deepen her eyes a little to the older man, wondering what exactly brought him to be concerned for her.

While Kristina and Magnusson talked, Gordon went to see what he could do on the helicopter. There wasn’t much… that he could do really. He’d probably mess it up more if he touched it. However, he was going to at least attempt to read up on it if there was a book to see if he could learn to fly it; he could take over if Kristina was tired and would let him fly.

Inside the small compartment in the cockpit, was a manual. Unfortunately, it was in Russian, or some kind of Slavic language telling whoever was reading it what to do. So practically it was meaningless unless he could possibly find someone to read it for him and tell him what to do. However, some of these rebels look like they’re from America too. 

“I might have… _pushed_ a few buttons between you and Freeman, but that doesn’t mean I am not thankful for your cooperation in these hard times. Eli Vance sure has guarded you for sometime since our debacles at Black Mesa, however… I find that now it is my duty to step up. We have lost… a great man, and in unfortunate circumstances we can’t stop to mourn him properly.” Magnusson started off, watching Kristina stare to the floor as he made mention to her father. Soon a hand came to rest on her shoulder, which caused her to gaze up at him, a bit surprised at the sincerity.

With a quiet vent of air, Kristina simply shook her head and moved away from the other, causing his hand to drop off her shoulder once she did. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate it, but she rather not think back to her mistake. Duties had to be done, whether they lose someone or not. She has seen so much death, it was almost expected - even if this one was unexpected.

“I’ll be fine, Dr. Magnusson. What’s more important is deciding what Dr. Freeman decides to do regarding the Borealis. To abide by my father’s wish, or Isaac’s, we still have one goal in mind. And that’s actually managing to get there. In these last hours, we’ll be gone and soon this base will be left unguarded. I can only hope any ambush the Combine has towards this place won’t be as powerful as the last few we had.” Kristina stated, venting in and gazing to him with forest eyes. 

“Godspeed, Arne.” She told him lastly, before turning and leaving the room, leaving Magnusson to stand there in silence, wondering if she was indeed approaching with a level-head. It was unclear if anything would be actually there, regarding the coordinates Dr. Mossman had given them, but there was only one way to find out.

As Kristina moved back into the warehouse, she gazed to the helicopter before spotting Gordon inside. Taking a quick glance, she then moved to get back onto the helicopter to fix the rotor and finish it, so that they may load up supplies and head on out.

Gordon was trying to get a sense of what was written in Russia. He knew some of the words, but not much, he had taken a class because some of the science pieces he wanted to read that were on his grad school years. Nonetheless, it was so long ago that he had a hard time translating the words and huffed.

“Damn it,” he growled softly while trying to figure out the words in the text and moved to get out of the copter. He blinked and paused as he saw Kristina, “Kristina…” he said softly.

Kristina looked the same as when she left - silent, solemn face, as if the talk with Magnusson was ignored too, whatever he wanted to ask of her. He never liked her to begin with, maybe it was something different this time. Sure hope he wasn’t blaming her for Eli’s death, otherwise…

She glanced to him momentarily as she returned back to fixing the rotor, finally managing to get it into place and for the screw to finally rotate into the crevice to hold it down. She then descended and removed the ladder she used to climb up on.

“Kristina,” Gordon spoke softly and moved to her, “Please, let’s talk...” he breathed in deeply. The scientist wanted to talk, wanted to have her express her emotions instead of being solemn like she had been and still was. Kristina stood there in silence, her hands gripped around the ladder before she moved to set it aside at the place she grabbed it from. Afterwards, she stood there once more, staring to the wall before closing her eyes.

“There’s nothing to talk about. All I want to do… is get a move on.” Kristina quietly said before moving into the storage room, grabbing for supplies that the rebels had set out earlier for them to take while on their journey. It wasn’t much, aside from ammo and some health kits of what they could offer but it was fine. She didn’t want to overload the helicopter and make it even harder to fly north with it. Seeing how she was dressed in almost sheer clothing, not suitable for the weather and temperature they were heading into, she decided to search the old crates for something warmer.

Finding a thick long sleeve and a pair of water-resistant pants, she moved to strip, gazing to her bruised body once more. It was ugly to her; to gaze at herself looking so pale and beaten up was disgusting. Quietly venting to herself, she moved to hurry and place the warmer clothes on her body, to prevent herself anymore horrific thoughts crossing through her mind - until her eyes landed to the item on her wrist. 

The stitches, the sore redness and bruising, who the hell knows what was done to her. Venting quietly, almost hyperventilating, she felt the urge to claw it out of her before regaining her self-control, turning attention to the thundering headache that spurred. She was pretty sure she heard a scream… a scream from, whatever the thing was that killed her father. It echoed, piercing her eardrums deep enough to get her to lose feeling in her legs as she collapsed to the floor.

Panting heavily and darting her eyes here and there to the ceiling, the pain in her temples subsided, and all she could here was the slight drone of the power in the building to keep the lights on, her quickened breathing, and the sound of her heart beating in her ears. Gentle eyes slowly closed before opening once further to glance to the bulge on her wrist. 

Whatever this thing was, it was making her doubtful. Did the Combine know something she didn’t? Is this why they implanted this device within her? Quietly thinking to herself, eyes slowly returned to a closed state, as she let out a soft breath, laying on the floor as she was still a bit dizzy.

“We’re at a compromise, Lambda…” She quietly spoke out, slowly starting to get up from the dirty floor. Probably had 70 years worth of dust and grime on it, so it was best not to catch something from it. Outside, she was solemn, however on the inside…

She was definitely worried.


	6. Air Exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the helicopter repaired, and tension fading slowly, unfortunately the nervousness sets in. Gordon and Kristina are on their long way to the Borealis, with doubts in both of their minds. Would they be able to make it, or will they suffer the same fate as many others had before?

Gordon was quiet while he stood beside Kristina; they could head on to their next journey trial. Getting to the Borealis and deciding what to do after that with said object when they got to it. The scientist gazed to Dr. Kleiner and moved to say his goodbye. He didn’t know if he would see his mentor again ever, didn’t know if they would even live through this at all, so goodbye seemed to be appropriate at this given point in time. 

After all, there was no _coming back_ as far as they were aware with the trip that he and Kristina were about to embark upon. What else could be said about it? Just like the jump before entering the portal to Xen, back at Black Mesa. Memories sprung forth; unsure if they were ever going back home after defeating the Nihilanth. A sacrifice they were willing to make, despite no guarantee that they would make it. Kleiner moved over to Freeman, giving him a hug, as a handshake wouldn’t be too appropriate if this was indeed a final goodbye. He had hoped it wouldn’t come to this but, fate had an unfair way for them. The balding scientist quietly patted his back some, almost not wanting to let go. 

“As always, I believe in you, Gordon. You owe us nothing, but you have saved us much more than you realize. The years pass so fast that… I almost wish I was back at M.I.T… still as your teacher.” Kleiner quietly mourned to him, fixing his glasses some as he let his old student go.

“I remember… you handing in your tests to be graded… and I thought it was the best thing on Earth.” Isaac told him, quietly shifting in place as he didn’t really want to cry, but he was getting there.

Gordon hugged his mentor and second father figure he had while in school. He nodded and breathed in, gripping the older man close, “You always were like a father to me, Dr. Kleiner. I wish we were back to those days of excitement, uncertain hope of a brighter future,” he whispered to him, “I do hope this won’t be the last of us talking, but if it is… I do hope you wake tomorrow with a smile,” Gordon told him his hope for the elder man, “A smile and a knowing sense that our work is coming to an end for a better tomorrow.”

Kleiner nodded and patted his shoulder. He had hoped that he would return so that they may talk again, or at least find a way to keep in touch, should he be lost out there. Still, they would be quite out of range, where they were going, uncertain of what possibly might happen out there. The older scientist couldn’t help but to glance to his suit - beaten and battered.

“Always inseparable, you two are. I’m glad you’re taking good care of her.” He touched the suit metal some, before giving a sad chuckle. 

“I remember when they first issued the Mark IV to you. You had problems zipping it up because you wore boxers instead of briefs.” Kleiner chuckled some at the old memory, just making small talk. He wasn’t necessarily trying to stall, but more so that he didn’t want him to go without at least a heartfelt conversation and a heartfelt goodbye.

Gordon warmed with Kleiner’s words of the old memory and he chuckled with a bit of a huff that showed he was embarrassed some. But he did enjoy those memories and wanted to be able to make more, not just the two of them, but with him and Kristina as well. Bring her in on their talks and see what she had to add.

That was a wish he wanted to fulfill as well. 

Gordon carefully pulled back and moved to D0g, gazing to the machine as the metal _canine_ was looking for attention and way to get on the copter with them to go along on the journey. 

“Not this time D0g,” Gordon told him lightly, moving to pet the large robotic companion, “Stay with Dr. Kleiner. You're their protection now. Be strong, for the absence of both of us.” 

D0g quietly gave a small disappointed chirp as he couldn’t join, but he knew that with Gordon and Kristina gone, he had no choice but to stay and guard the place. Anything could happen now, and it was best to be prepared. As Gordon petted D0g, Kristina moved to hug Dr. Kleiner to give her goodbyes to him.

He was speaking to her softly, just hoping that she would be careful, just like he asked Gordon to be. Kristina then shrugged off his hand some before giving her last goodbyes to him, moving to the helicopter to strap herself into the pilot seat, watching D0g grab hold of the pulley to drag the helicopter outside so that they may take off.

“Good luck, Dr. Freeman!” The rebels all called out to him, asking him to give the Combine hell and that they were all behind him on everything. Gordon waved to them and moved to join his wife on the helicopter after D0g had moved it out to the open. He went to go and climb in, gripping onto some handles after settling some headphones on so he wouldn't be deafened by the rotary once they turned on. He turned his head to gaze to his wife and waited on her signal to show they were going to start ascending to the skies.

Kristina placed headphones onto her head, watching D0g start to drag them out to the open. It was early morning, but they shouldn’t waste any time in getting to their destination. She looked along the dashboard, pressing a few buttons to the side of her, including the ceiling, as she started up the rotors, hoping they wouldn’t practically turn into flying projectiles should it still be broken.

As the rotors began to spin, and the droning noise filling the cabin and cockpit, luckily the headphones drowned it out some, she gazed to the controls and released the brake, feeling them roll a little due to them being a little uphill. Once the helicopter was warm enough and ready, she began to lift them slowly, ascending to the air as the residents below waved goodbye to them.

The man in the HEV suit was quiet as they began to rise skyward. He waved back in a signal to show they were off. His hand waved to Dr. Kleiner as he picked him out of the crowd before moving to close the cabin door of the helicopter, moving to go sit down. It would be a while before they needed to anything so, might as well get comfortable in his opinion. Gordon sighed and sat down before looking to his wife... _estranged_ wife currently. She didn’t want to talk with him, didn’t want to fix things even if they had time. 

Was this it then? Were they just gonna go on this suicide mission, possibly die in it, and never reconcile with what happened? He rubbed his face and glanced to her, folding his hands together and continued to watch Kristina trying to see if there was Lambda in the midst of her. 

_Why won’t you talk with me Kristina?_ He asked himself quietly, mouthing to the open. _Or do I call you Lambda? You never did tell me which you wanted to be known as._

Kristina sat in the pilot seat, forest green eyes gazing out the windshield as she followed directions to the coordinates, heading north. Luckily the weather was clear and ready for them to fly in, but in the distance, seemed like a storm brewing. And they were headed right towards it. She seemed… normal, in this sight. She was just flying them to their destination, but she wasn’t talking. Almost as if she was in focus, but not too in focus. As time passed, they finally hit the area where the storm was, as Kristina wobbled the helicopter a bit as she entered the thick clouds, being tossed from the strong winds that wanted to knock them out of the sky. They had to be flying… for some time now, perhaps 2 hours, but it was a wonder if this storm would make them slow down.

They were at the desired altitude, but it was getting kind of dangerous. She did a good job at keeping them leveled, but some bursts of winds did knock them to the side here and there. They were practically flying blind, as it seemed to be a blizzard, in the least. A total whiteout.

With a light shift in the seat as her limbs were getting stiff from holding the controls, Kristina didn’t respond to the piercing headache that thundered in her skull once more, causing blood to trickle down her nostril without her knowing. She was too busy trying to not kill themselves.

Gordon moved to sit upfront with Kristina and give her a hand. He put on secondary pilot, the only thing he could decipher from the hand book, and moved to grab the control to pull it back and give it a steady chance. He watched Kristina long enough in their flight to get some hint of what to do. The scientist saw the blood and was worried, moving to carefully navigate with her to get through the blizzard quickly, perhaps so she could have a rest.

She needed it. Lord, did she need it; the stubborn woman was going to get herself hurt if she didn’t rest at some point. He made that a priority and was about ready to make good of his promise to himself.

Kristina quietly gazed down to her legs as she felt something drip onto it before spotting blood drop. She then lifted her head and moved to wipe her nose onto her sleeve, never once changing her authority from the pilot seat as she continued to fly.

“I have it.” She told him, turning off his secondary pilot switch, returning full control to her own as she continued to handle the wheel. The winds were getting a bit stronger now; the more they flew through the storm, the more it was getting hard to keep the helicopter leveled.

“Let me help,” he stated and turned back on his controls, gripping the wheel and moving to get them leveled, “You don’t have to do this alone, Kristina,” Gordon told her as they moved through the blizzard in their small, rickety helicopter. They were together in this, even if she didn’t want to have him do anything and felt she needed to do it by herself.

“One control is enough.” She told him and turned it off again, flicking another switch afterwards before her hands returned to the controls, gazing out the windshield. Well, they could at least go lower, right? So that this storm doesn’t knock them down.

Gordon gazed to her and growled, “Kristina, why do you feel like you have to do this alone?” He asked her, irritated as she was being like this, “You don’t have to be burdened with this by yourself,” Gordon was greatly making an attempt to get the controls back on to help her.

“I don’t need your help.” She told him, continuing to fly through the storm, gazing out to the white blindness they were flying in. Something boiled up, wanting to crawl out and finish this obnoxious and unnecessary fight.

“Don’t need, or don’t _want_?” he questioned, obviously reading the undertone of her words, “Go ahead and say it, Kristina, before I get really irritated.” 

She vented and rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she didn’t answer him, continuing to fly through the thick clouds as the winds knocked them around. Kristina softly shifted in place as she fought with the winds to keep them leveled, being too unfocused now to really do much if Gordon was going to continue questioning her.

“Because I’m the better driver.” She finished and continued to pilot, wiping away some more straying blood from her nostrils.

“Better driver or not, you’re stressing yourself out to nose bleeding,” Gordon huffed and clicked a few buttons to try and get the second set of controls online again, “Let me help, _goddammit_ ,” he growled out to Kristina after finding the controls to not be working for him anymore.

Kristina kept silent, gazing out to the tough storm they were flying in. Forest green eyes darted here and there as she continued to pilot them, hoping there weren't any enemies on the line. If the Combine can get through this and spot them, then by hell they were tougher than she thought. In any case, she kept the controls to her, feeling the fuming presence of the man next to her and… another presence. One that she has to bear for the time being, but she chose to ignore it.

Gordon was about to make her stop the copter so he could make her take a break. He was irritated with Kristina and her lack of wanting to work with him on anything. Not wanting to talk with him, not wanting to comply at all. It was like their marriage was dying right now because she wasn’t willing to work on it, even if Gordon was pushing with all of his might to try and fix what damage he did. Kristina continued to fly, making sure to fly high enough to avoid any trees. With her altitude ascending, she then moved to fight with the wind again. He continued to watch and give her irritated looks while trying to get a head around why she was being a total bitch to him. He knew this was a serious situation, and he wanted to help; he wanted to give her a chance to relax. But she wouldn’t let him. 

“Why won’t you let me help?” He asked her lightly, “Do you hate me that much now?”

“Can't I just fly in silence, please? I'm trying to concentrate.” Kristina avoided his question, staring out the window and making sure the rotors were still warm and wouldn't freeze over since she was flying at increased altitude. She didn't want to risk being lower than the desired height, who knows if they'd run straight into a tree. With a quiet vent, Kristina shifted in the seat more, moving to place a beanie on her head as it was getting colder. They still had miles to go, but the temperatures were dropping indeed.

Gordon narrowed his eyes at her, “You can still talk and fly,” he told her before flicking his face cover on and crossed his arms while letting Kristina fly. He was quiet now, irritated and mad at his wife. If she wanted to play this little game, he would let her and get mad at her, which she could not blame him for.

Kristina quietly vented as he had finally left her alone for the time being, quietly and solemnly staring out the windshield and guiding the helicopter with the rough winds to keep them afloat. Deep down inside, she wanted to talk, but on the outside she refused to show anymore than a solemn face. She felt like screaming, crying, but this situation didn't call for that. She needed to fly; to get them out of here and reach their destination safely.

Once they were in a clearing, she gazed around for any sign of civilization - they had been flying for some time, it was a wonder if maybe there were still resistance members out here. However she spotted nothing, only snow and more white-covered trees. It was a desolate wasteland; a place deserted. Gordon watched the landscape as well. He scanned the areas around them, being quiet and was wondering what they would do now. His head turned to Kristina to gaze to her and gave her a look that couldn’t be seen, as if to ask her _what now_ since Kristina wouldn’t let him do a damn thing, nor would she talk with him.

With a soft vent of air, Kristina looked sad. She honestly didn’t want them to be against each other, everyone’s emotions were high and all over the place. Maybe silence is what they needed, nothing more can be said about anything. Not themselves, not Eli’s death, nothing. They both needed to calm down, and maybe some much needed sleep was in order.

They went on for hours, running from place to place for survival, it would make millions tired if they were to endure the times they went through. Perhaps Freeman could sleep in the meantime to calm down from the high, and pray that his companion would eventually let up on the flying to give him a chance.

If not... well, at least he’d be prepared for anything that might be thrown at them later.

Gordon had given Kristina more than enough time to talk, to be quiet, to do whatever she wanted, but he was irritated when she wouldn’t try to talk when he brought things up; they needed to move on and get their relationship going onward past what the halt had been at. He got up and shook his head, moving back away from Kristina since she was being solemn with him and made him unable to do much more with her since she wouldn’t let him help fly, nor let him do anything to help. Kristina needed rest more than him, but she cared nothing more about her health. The bearded man eventually settled down and moved to rest since he was bored and couldn’t keep himself occupied.

Kristina heard Gordon move away and head into the cabin, softly glancing down to her blood dripped legs before looking back to the windshield. Deep down inside, she still felt the presence of their mutual friend, almost mocking her in a sense. His smug face and pale grin crossed her mind; he was indeed watching their fight unfold. Would they even be repaired afterwards? Or was this done? Were they just companions in the post-apocalyptic world? Kristina honestly wished her father was still around; perhaps he could comfort her in this time of need.

But now he was gone and to never return. And thus the doubts continued - would the world be better off without her?


	7. Zero Degree Intercept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Gordon and Kristina on the road, how will they possibly solve their differences? In the line of danger, they couldn't be enemies. But how can they be expected to work together as equals, when one wasn't?

The storm would not let up at all. No matter how far they traveled or how high they ascended, she was still directing them into the thick clouds - feeling the wind continue to push them around as she tried to keep them leveled. Despite the hours passing by, the morning came, giving light to the land, even if it was muffled by the storm. Unfortunately, her eyes started to play tricks on her, feeling that something was within the whiteness she flew into, making her weave some however returned to her original state.

Kristina shifted within the pilot seat, feeling the aching pain within her back and abdomen, around the area she had been impaled by the Hunter, what seemed like days earlier. It was a constant reminder; she would have died if it weren’t for him. He weaved his life with hers, because he had loved her and cared for her enough to save her from certain death - even if he didn’t know her true intentions for bringing him with.

With a soft vent of air escaping her lungs, Kristina pressed a couple of buttons to enable the autopilot, giving her arms and back a break from enduring the several hours they had been flying. As she continued to grip the wheel, she gave into the urge to hit it in frustration, as tears filled her eyes. Her hands went to her face, as she sobbed quietly into them, just now feeling the rush of emotions that she kept underneath a tough exterior for quite some time. 

Her fights with the Freeman didn’t make it any easier; she should have just kept her mouth shut.

Gordon had woken when there was a rough movement of the helicopter and turned to gaze to Kristina silently as she got herself off the stick. The scientist moved to sit up while watching his wife, flicking his helmet back so he could talk properly to Kristina if needed or wanted. However, he froze and stared to her when she began to sob into her hands. Was she now starting to break? Letting up on her cold exterior that she held for so long? Gordon kept quiet and watched Kristina so she could let her emotions out. He didn't dare disrupt her, just in case she clammed back up.

She had worlds against her, if one truly thought about it. To be thought of as a nuisance in the world of science just because she was a woman, and now with details revealed, someone who was trying to save her home from a threatening force, only came with an even more threatening force behind it once dealt with. The Combine came as a total surprise, and now they were both trapped in a world like this.

Then Eli’s death, Gordon’s reaction to her identity… it piled on. She was blamed for trying to do the right thing for the good of all people, but instead was seen as selfish and undeserving. The man who followed them everywhere, no doubt mocked her in silence, or in confrontation with her, and he didn’t know a single thing about it. She was having doubts; doubts that they were going to make it. 

Even if they destroyed the Combine, who is to say there isn’t some kind of bigger force behind it? Who were that man’s employers, and why did they incorporate them into handling their dirty business. Lambda, or Kristina, was the supposed ruler of everything, why are they commanding _her_? Would they come after them next? It was a wonder if all this fighting was going to come to an end. 

As Kristina wept quietly to herself, she kept her hands to her face, bending over to hide her head into the lap of her legs, trying to stay silent as much as possible. It was a pathetic sight; her desires are starting to become her downfall. When she tried so much to reset everything and make things right. To save those she cared about, was only coming back to bite her.

And yet Gordon had come around, had come back to save her and tried to reconcile with her. He tried to apologize and admit he was wrong - tried to talk with her. Yet she shunned him and ran, stealing away chances and got Gordon angry. Made him yell at her for her being stubborn and denying chances for them to move on and for her to grieve. 

Now he was sitting in solemn silence, watching Kristina and seeing her sob and hide. She wouldn’t give him chances, he had tried, and tried not once or twice, but a multitude of times to try and fix things, to help her, to work with her. Yet she refused. He breathed in and sighed out in a soft motion to prevent her from noticing him.

If only they could go back to the old days, like what his old mentor said. They were much more lovey back then; always joking around, pranking each other back at Black Mesa, with Barney’s help of course. Now all of that was just, _gone_. It was hard to say when those happy-like memories would return, but instead, his wife was in the pilot seat, just mourning to herself and hardly handling it well. 

She was a sorry sight; she too wanted things to go back to normal, or what might have been considered normal. They fought for these people, didn’t expect anything in return, but now she was figuring that… she made them purge deeper into a dark hole than climbing out of it. Millions of lives were still lost, from the Resonance Cascade, she can’t change that.

But she could have avoided it if she wasn’t such a damn coward. 

She wanted to pull her hair, make herself hurt, but she knew if her husband finally came around, he’d stop her, so her hands remained at her face. She was no longer sobbing, but she didn’t bother to look up. The helicopter was still in autopilot, and they were still slowly, but surely, moving in the direction towards their destination. 

Lifting up from her legs, Kristina sniffled lightly and wiped her tears away before curling in the corner of her pilot seat, her legs brought up to hold onto as she tightened into a ball, gazing out to the whiteness around them. It was almost as if they were in a simulation, and not actually flying. She didn’t even realize Gordon was awake now, staring to her and her pathetic state.

Gordon vented and slowly moved to go and grab her, to get her out of the seat and to hold her. He moved to pick Kristina up and to his lap, however paused at the sight of her.

He still cared. Wanting to give her comfort and love to show that he indeed still loved and wanted her. Wanted her at her worst, wanted her at her best, wanted her... even if she had _lied_ to him - he understood after thinking and wondering why. Wondering why opened his eyes and mind; made him realize that he couldn’t have been told because it wouldn’t have made sense at the time of them getting to know one another. 

So he decided to forgive her, and wanted to work with her to fix his mistakes… fix what he did to hurt her.

As the pilot got silent, it was realized that she had fallen asleep. Finally, at least. She hadn’t slept properly in what seemed like… well, decades. Probably longer, considering what she really was. At least they were at a good height of flying that the storm didn’t push them around too much, as they were still heading in the direction they needed to go. Luckily his suit helmet was equipped with a compass. 

Dr. Kleiner was a genius for incorporating it, finally. As Kristina slipped into a deeper sleep, was Gordon truly alone when awake. Should he try and take over? Or just let the autopilot do it's thing? Damn the manual for being in Slavic, but then again, how old was this helicopter anyway?

It looked like a refurbished Hunter Chopper the Combine used, but it still had American military elements. Perhaps coming to European countries was their last stand against the invasion, but as they could see… it didn’t last, nor proved them victorious. Americans were here in these countries, and were enslaved under the Combine rule.

Now, they were playing the waiting game in the meantime.

Gordon sighed and moved to go and sit on the pilot seat, tenderly moving his wife to be up against him for comfort. He then carefully adjusted her to lean more against him before trying to read the gauges. He purred softly and nosed her hair as he cradled the smaller woman so she could rest.

“I love you Kristina… Lambda… whatever else you went by… I’m sorry for everything...” He gazed down to her face, watching her closed eyes flicker from REM sleep. She was dreaming, however he wondered if it was any good towards her. “I’m so sorry for making you feel hurt… betrayed... lonely and isolated,” he whispered. Kristina didn’t respond to his words, for she was in deep. After what occurred, and what they went through in the past several hours, she fell hard. The bulge in her wrist said it all, and the operation she went through to get it was still taking a toll on her. 

Even if his words didn’t get through to her, they were still meaningful. It didn’t feel as meaningful if he were to repeat them while she was awake; unsure if she would even respond to it - nicely or _at all_. As time passed, the weather was starting to grow back stronger, knocking them here and there until the one sound they feared for, came to life.

Jolting awake at the sound of the alarm, Kristina vented in and gazed around wearily, blinking up at her husband as she was being held by him before looking to the gauges that were before them. They were dropping altitude, and seemed to have a problem with the rotors. They were freezing up and not spinning correctly to keep them up in the air. 

Sitting up straight and turning off autopilot, Kristina tried to work fast to get the rotors working again, venting as another alarm went off that they were dropping altitude fast.

“Fuck! The rotors are frozen!” She yelled through the noise and tried to look out the window before taking hold of the shaking controls. The supplies in the cabin toppled over, spreading the contents throughout. Kristina tried to pull them up, but the rotors had then finally stalled, seeing as they were now plunging headfirst towards the ground.

Kristina vented in heavily and tried to level them out so they wouldn’t fall onto their face, moving to try and get the rotors to start up again. 

“Come on… **COME ON**!” She screamed as she turned the ignition, getting nothing out of it.

Gordon slammed his hands down in to console and growled to try and get it to turn on again. The scientist growled while the copter continued to descend towards the trees and ground. He mentally begged for the rotors to start up again, even a little bit just to soften the blow to the ground, or to make them fall onto their stomach at least.

“Come on…,” he growled as Kristina was starting to panic.

As they dropped headfirst towards the ground, they had about a hundred feet left to turn on the helicopter, to try and get it to level them out. With a hard grunt, Kristina kicked the console some in frustration, venting in as the rotors began to rotate once more, and tried to pull up some. However, it wasn’t doing any good at this rate, as in a few seconds they were going to meet the ground.

Possibly to their death.

Gordon's eyes widened as as the ground was in view and approaching fast. He made the bold decision to do what he did best. He turned to her and shielded her from the impending doom.

“ _I love you._ "

The impact came like a wall, the force tossing them like they were a paper ball into the cabin with the pilot seat. Their ears ringing with the sound of screeching wreckage flying everywhere. The force was too much the bear, as it seemed like they were rolling, and the body Gordon held was tossed away from his hold and out of the cabin door.

As debris flung everywhere, a piece of metal slammed into Gordon’s head, in attempts to knock him unconscious, but not necessarily kill him as his helmet gave him a great deal of protection. Not utterly, but some form of it. As the helicopter finally made a complete stop after what seemed like 20 rolls down the side of a snowy hill, all that was left, was freezing silence and the crackling of a starting fire.

**Author's Note:**

> Kristina is Gordon's wife; he had popped the question at the end of Half-Life 1, while they were in the tram with the G-man before they accepted employment.
> 
> Kristina had revealed her identity as an alien-human hybrid before the Strider battle at White Forest in Episode 2.
> 
> This series is inspired by Marc Laidlaw's Epistle 3 post, but it's my interpretation of what happens using one of my Original Characters.


End file.
